How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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