You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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