I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
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Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
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I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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