didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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