I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
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I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
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I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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