listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize