Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
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We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
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I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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