Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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