I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize