I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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