only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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