They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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