today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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