Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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