Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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