Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize