i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Princesses don't give blow jobs
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Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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