U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
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We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
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The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
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