We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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