70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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