playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
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i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
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Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize