she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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