i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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