i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
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He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
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You threw up with your ski mask on still.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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