Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
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I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
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Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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