sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
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So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
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You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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