do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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