don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize