Texts From Last Night

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  (313): View more from Michigan

  so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...

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  (313): so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal... http://tfl.nu/prbt
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?

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  (301): is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away? http://tfl.nu/7whm
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?

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  (216): Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing? http://tfl.nu/7r44
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.

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  (317): you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american. http://tfl.nu/y2yd
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"

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  (303): The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick" http://tfl.nu/klf2
  Replies (55) Good night (6128) Bad night (956)
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  (772): View more from Florida

  remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.

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  (772): remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night. http://tfl.nu/s4kw
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.

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  (401): my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie. http://tfl.nu/a7k2
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box

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  (704): Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box http://tfl.nu/xete
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".

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  (319): the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy". http://tfl.nu/gh3y
  Replies (9) Good night (4181) Bad night (1333)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.

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  (360): Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head. http://tfl.nu/n0gh
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.

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  (612): I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that. http://tfl.nu/cvm1
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  (941): View more from Florida

  We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.

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  (941): We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships. http://tfl.nu/x14j
  Replies (5) Good night (2735) Bad night (646)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.

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  (206): Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear. http://tfl.nu/poja
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.

  (1-304): View more from West Virginia

  And vodka?

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  And vodka.

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  (304): The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period. (1-304): And vodka? (304): And vodka. http://tfl.nu/b29x
  Replies (6) Good night (1329) Bad night (311)
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  (+64): View more from New Zealand

  You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.

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  (+64): You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus. http://tfl.nu/u2un
  Replies (5) Good night (845) Bad night (242) Order T-Shirt

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