I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize