i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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