You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
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she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
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The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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