My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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