FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
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Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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