Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize