I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
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Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
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Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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