eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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