your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
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there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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