: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
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Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
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she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
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