You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Bring me that man meat
not ubering you a puppy
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