We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize