Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
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we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
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One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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