I accidentally burped into my bong.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
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About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
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I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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