I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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