dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
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so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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