I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
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