Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I came so hard my ears popped.
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