I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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