The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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