I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
my sisters under your porch take her home
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
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